Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts

Friday, August 1, 2014

Lead Better by Improving the Way You Communicate



You can’t lead a church, evangelize a community, or do business without communicating. And the better you become as a communicator, the better you become as a leader, and the better the team you lead becomes as a result. That means to get ahead you’ve got to continually work on your communication skills. Probably 75% of the problems we face, at home, at work, and at church are related to poor communication with family members, church members, your clients, or your coworkers. Poor communication is also the most frequently mentioned problem in marriage counseling.
Here are three things you must give up in order to grow as a communicator. As you lead…
Give Up Your Assumptions
We get into trouble when we start assuming we understand the meaning of what people say to us. The truth is – everything you hear goes through a filter. Your filter is determined by your past experiences and your unique personality. You may not be hearing what they are really saying. Therefore, it’s smart (and safe) to ask for clarification. There are 6 possible messages every time you speak:
    What you mean to say and what you actually said.
    What they heard and what they think they heard.
    What they say about it and what you think they said about it.
Proverbs 18:13 says “It’s foolish to answer before listening.”
There is a second kind of assumption you need to give up on. Stop assuming people understand everything you’re thinking and feeling as you communicate. It’s only fair to clearly and completely share your expectations with people when you assign them a task or a project. You must find a way to be both concise and complete, and always clear when you communicate.
Give Up Your Accusations
You’re never persuasive when you’re abrasive. And you never get your point across by being cross. Anger and sarcasm only make people defensive… and defensiveness kills communication. Here are four common forms of accusation:
    Exaggerating – making sweeping generalities like ”You never ” or “You always.”
    Labeling – derogatory name calling. Labeling never changes anyone. It only reinforces the negative behavior.
    Playing Historian – bringing up past failures, mistakes, and broken promises.
    Asking Loaded Questions – which really can’t be answered, like “Can’t you do anything right?”
Ephesians 4:29 says Use only helpful words, the kind that build others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Give Up Your Apprehensions
Fear prevents honest communication. It causes us to conceal our true feelings, and fail to confront the real issues. The two most common apprehensions are: the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. But when you face your fear and risk being honest – real communication can happen. Freedom is the result of openness. Jesus said, “The truth will set you free!” (John 8:32)

Good teams communicate, or they disintegrate. It’s worth giving up our assumptions, our accusations, and our apprehensions to build unity and lead everyone forward.


Friday, March 28, 2014

3 steps to make a murderer confess


By Thom Patterson, CNN
updated 5:38 AM EDT, Fri March 28, 2014
In 1987, the area surrounding this pump house and dirt road in Mascotte, Florida, became the scene of a crime with repercussions that are still being felt nearly 30 years later. Click through the gallery for details of the case, including more crime scene and evidence photos from <a href='http://www.cnn.com/deathrowstories' target='_blank'>CNN's "Death Row Stories."</a>In 1987, the area surrounding this pump house and dirt road in Mascotte, Florida, became the scene of a crime with repercussions that are still being felt nearly 30 years later. Click through the gallery for details of the case, including more crime scene and evidence photos from CNN's "Death Row Stories."
HIDE CAPTION
The killing of Teresa McAbee
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STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Veteran Miami homicide detective opens up about interrogating suspects
  • Retired detective Marshall Frank writes crime novels and holds seminars
  • Since his detective days, Frank has changed his mind about the death penalty
  • Frank describes how he elicited a confession from convicted killer Paul Eugene Rowles
CNN's original series, "Death Row Stories," explores America's capital punishment system each Sunday at 9 p.m. ET/PT. Follow us at facebook.com/cnn or Twitter @CNNorigSeries using #DeathRowStories
(CNN) -- As a Miami-area homicide detective, Marshall Frank has met some really bad people.
Now retired, the 30-year law enforcement veteran reveals trade secrets about how he "made friends" with criminals and coaxed them to confess.
For example, take Paul Eugene Rowles -- a convicted murderer and sexual predator who died last year in a Florida prison. When he was with Metro-Dade Police in 1972, Frank arrested Rowles for the strangling death of Rowles' Miami neighbor, Linda Fida.
Frank, who spoke with CNN by phone, described the handsome, 6-foot, blue-eyed Rowles as "someone you trust right away, very pleasant to talk to, soft spoken, somebody you wouldn't think would be a dangerous killer. But these killers are the most dangerous of all."
Dead convict linked to '89 disappearance
'Here I am going to death row'
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Breakthrough? A police notebook
For them, Frank said, killing is "like an addiction, like heroin, and they've gotta have that murder fix."
So, how did Frank get Rowles to confess? "I made friends with him," he said matter-of-factly. "It took half an hour."
But he didn't do it alone. "I had another cop in the room with me, and we knew each other's methods. The other detective just stayed quiet. He was there for support, but not to be a part of the interrogation."
Sitting close to Rowles with his knees almost touching him, Frank said he would lean toward him during the interrogation. "I was really appearing to be interested in him," Frank said. Then they started talking about how Rowles' life, family, father and mother had all affected him and "how that led to what he had just done."
And then Rowles began "blathering the confession out," Frank said. "He started crying."
Although Rowles was sentenced to life in prison, he was paroled in 1985. Nine years later Rowles was convicted of kidnapping and sexually assaulting a minor and sentenced to 19 years. In 2012, DNA testing linked Rowles to the 1992 murder of 21-year-old Elizabeth Foster. Before Rowles died last year, police tried to interview him, without success, to determine if he was behind the disappearance of 20-year-old Tiffany Sessions in 1989. After his death, investigators found a journal in Rowles' cell with a note that read "2/9/89" -- the date Sessions disappeared. "No. 2" was scrawled on both sides of the notation. Police believe it's an indication that Sessions was Rowles' second victim.
Crime novelist Marshall Frank served for 30 years as a Miami-area police officer and homicide detective.
Crime novelist Marshall Frank served for 30 years as a Miami-area police officer and homicide detective.
In 2003, Frank played a very different role in another Florida murder case. While researching a crime novel, Frank began corresponding with James Duckett, a former police officer who was convicted and sentenced to death for the 1987 murder of an 11-year-old girl named Teresa McAbee. Duckett has been on death row for more than 25 years, as the appeals process plays out. Frank sat face-to-face with Duckett in a prison lunchroom, a conversation both men describe in CNN's documentary series,"Death Row Stories," airing this Sunday at 9 p.m. ET.
Successfully interrogating suspects one-on-one, Frank said, requires patience. "You can't come across as though you're personally involved," he said. "You can't come across like you're mad or angry or impatient or putting pressure on.
Real jailhouse police questioning doesn't happen the way it's portrayed by Hollywood. According to Frank, the cliché, the two-cops-on-one-suspect scenario with angry, screaming interrogators isn't part of the real world.
We've broken down Frank's method into three ideas:
1. "The most important thing is gaining their confidence, respect and cooperation." Frank repeated his theme: "I just kinda made friends."
2. "At the beginning of the interrogation you don't even go into what you're there for. You wait five minutes. Wait 15 minutes, 30 minutes. There's no hurry. What you want to do is get the person talking and feeling good about talking to you."
3. "Eventually you just work your way into whatever the issue is. Next thing you know, someone's just blathering a confession. Believe me that's how it worked."
'I just got a hunch'
During all his years on the force, Frank claims he never arrested the wrong person in a case. But he came close. Frank told a story about a case where he questioned a man whose aunt accused him of raping her.
I just got a hunch — something about the guy. 
Marshall Frank, retired homicide detective
"During the interrogation he was adamant that he didn't do it," Frank recalled. "Well of course a lot of guilty people are adamant that they didn't do it. But I just got a hunch — something about the guy. So I started thinking, 'Maybe we ought to check this out further before we actually book him.' We went back out on the streets, and we found the aunt again, and we polygraphed her. After polygraphing her, she admitted that she had told a lie."
Frank said it turned out the aunt had "an ulterior motive about her wanting to have him arrested." He then freed the suspect.
The 'conveyor belt'
After three decades as a law enforcement officer, Frank has some opinions about America's justice system.
Public defender resources are overburdened, Frank said. Which sometimes contributes to less than fair circumstances.
"It's really an uneven system to have people who can afford a good attorney and other people who can only afford public defenders," Frank said. "I asked a public defender once, 'How do you keep up with the caseload?' And he said, 'It's like Lucille Ball and the conveyor belt: You just can't keep up with it.'"
A lot of public defenders are talented and would like to do a better job, Frank said. "But they're constrained by the enormous stresses and the pressures to keep up with their caseloads.
The death penalty
CNN's "Death Row Stories" draws back the curtain on how murder cases are investigated and prosecuted. It connects the judicial dots between the crimes, the evidence, the trial and the death chamber. Frank joked about his days as a "hotshot detective," when he used to favor the use of the death penalty in some cases.
But in the years after his retirement in 1990, Frank has turned a 180 on the issue. Now 73, Frank has been writing crime novels, which require many hours of research.
In 1972, Marshall Frank arrested Paul Eugene Rowles for the strangling death of Rowles\' Miami neighbor, Linda Fida.
In 1972, Marshall Frank arrested Paul Eugene Rowles for the strangling death of Rowles' Miami neighbor, Linda Fida.
"The death penalty is something I researched a lot about," he said. "How many times do we find people who've had life sentences and 25 years later DNA proves them to be innocent? Those same people could easily have been executed by now. I'm sure that there have been people executed who are innocent."
That's just not acceptable, he said.
"I've realized that society can't sacrifice some innocent people once in a while just so it can get all the guilty ones."
Frank said society should consider alternative punishments for dangerous criminals. "Because, basically, putting someone to death is murder," Frank said. "It's intentional murder. Premeditated murder. Isn't it?"
Are overburdened defense attorneys breaking America's justice system? What do you think? Tell us in the comments below.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Thuthang Ngandan Bulhram




Salai Siang Lian Uk (Kianghrol)

Thuthang ngan tikih theih ttul bulhrambik cu Dikdawhnak (Accuracy), Tawifelnak (Brevity) le Fiangfainak (Clarity) hi an si.

A hmaisabik le thupibik cu dikdawhnak hi a si. Thuthang cu a dik lo ahcun man a nei lo. A ngaingai ahcun man a nei lo timi hnak in a bese sawn. Thuthang dik lo cun thuthangca zalen (free press) a nunsuah theinak ding ih a ttulbik mi, mipi in thuthang an rinsan ngamnak timi, ih hram a satcat a si. Daan Belhsah Pakhatnak (First Amendment) ah thuthangca hi cozah khontthawlnak hnuaiah um lo ding ih hum a sinak san cu mipi in a dik mi le ttanlam a nei lo mi thuthang an theih ngah theinak ding ah a si timi kha hngilh lo ding a si.

Mipi in vote an pek ding mi anmai’ thluakfimnak hmang ih an hril theinak ding ah ttanlam a nei lo mi thuthang an ngah ttul. Himi hi kan ram (U.S) ih democracy tthanlennak hrangah a thupi zet mi a si. Mipi in thuthang ih dikdawhnak le hmaizah bul nei lo ih a dinnak (fairness) parah mipi in an zumnak a hloh ahcun, rei lo te ah democracy zum-nawn-lo-nak (rinsan-nawn-lo-nak) in a thlun cih ding.

Nambatpawl, hmin cafangkompawl, zo in ziang a sim timipawl le thuthang pakhat sungih um mi thuhla sirhsan (sources) dangdang khal kha cek (check) ringring aw. Thuthang palai ih ttuanvo cu ziang a cang rero timi hawlhmuh ding, le lunglutza (interesting) le thuthang peksuahdan ttha thawi’ cui’ thuhla ngansuah ding kha a si. Dikdawhnak timi hi a hmaisabik ah ra seh.

Pahnihnak cu tawifelnak  a si. Na ngan mi thuthang thuhla ih ttongfang tin in hna an ttuan a ttul. Hna a ttuan lo mi ttongfang an um ahcun, hlon mai aw. Thu laimu ah lut cih aw (Get to the point). Vei khat lawng rel aw. A hleifuan belhsah hlah. “Zinglam nazi 8 a.m,” ti’n rel hlah. Ziangahtile 8 a.m. cu zinglam a si cia. 8 a.m. ti lawng in rel aw. Asilole zinglam nazi 8 ti mai. Pyramid Linglet thuthang ngandan kalhmang kha cingkeng aw. Thuhruaitu (the lead) ah thuhla thupibik kha ret aw. Casiartu ih ngaihvennak (attention) kha (nga siau bang in) siau aw. Cumi hnu ah thuhruaitu ih na ret mi thuhla kha simfiang awla, cu ttheh in, pyramid linglet a dot hnihnak ah thuhla thupibik sangtu kha ret aw. Cu thluh in thuhla thupibik sangtu ih sangtu ret leh aw. A cem tiang ih lunglutza si ding in ngan aw. Thuthang na ngan ttheh hnu khal ah cawl cih mai hlah.


Fiangfainak  cu ca na ngan hlan ihsin a thok zo. Fiangfainak cu a kimcang mi le thiamtlinnak thawi’ hawlsuah mi thuthang thawn a thok. Nangmah lala in na rel mi thuhla kha kimcangtei’ na theihthiam thluh lawng ah casiartu ih thinlung sungah fiangfaite’n a lut thei ding. Na ngansuah mi thuthang ah son lo mi thusuhnak (questions unanswered) tang hlah hai seh. Khawlak ttong (jargon) hmang hlah aw. Mipi zaran hrangah a fiang lo ding mi thuhla tapoh cu simfiang aw.  Thuthang pakhat ih thuhla na ngah tam vivo rual in, thuhruaitu thawn a pehpar mi ziang pawl an si timi kha na cekfel tam sinsin a ttul. Na theih tam deuhdeuh le, zamrang le tluangtlam tei’ relsuah a har sinsin ding. Na rel mi kha ziang a si timi na theihthiam lo lawng ah a olsam sawn lam ding. Ti duh mi cu, thuthang hawlthanhdan ttha (good reporting) timi hi a ol titu an um kel lo tinak a si.

Ref: Rihli: October 16, 2013. 




Saturday, April 28, 2012

Midang Thawn Pawlkomawk Daan Phunli


by San No Thuan

1.     Midang thawn a zuam ringringtu pawl (Competition)
a.     Midang ih thiam lo mi kha thiam zuam
b.     Midang khal theihmi le thiammi hlawm tum lo
c.      Midang an tthanso ding thinphang ih um ringring.

2.     Midang kha ral vek ih a zohtu pawl (Confrontation)
a.     A kiangkap ummi pawl ih thu a el, a dokalh.
b.     Midang ih that lo nak hawl ringring.
c.      Miih hnen ah, midang ih thuhla sia rel le sim hmang.

3.     Midang khal ziang ziar lo ih, mahte um ih um (Avoidance)
a.     Midang ih biak tik khal ah thei lo vek ih um ih let duh lo.
b.     Maih ngaihmi minung lawng biak ih, midang biak duh lo.
c.      Midang ih thu an sim an ruah lai ah, tlaansan men.

4.     Midang kha a ttanpi ringring tu (Complement)
a.     Midang ih sambaunak te kha a khuh sak.
b.     An ning zak lo ding in, an thiam lonak kha a sim.
c.      Amai rual tha si ter tum lo in Amah kha an rual tha ah a cang.
d.     Midang ih thatnak kha a lawm thiam.
e.     Midang lam ttang in a ttong.